The Fading Light
People tell me that it is an honor to work for God,
that to do so brings you into His light,
and what a beautiful thing it is!
My mother has become a servant of God,
and we celebrate the divine honor blessed on her.
Her mother, her sister, her husband and her two sons,
all with her on this wonderful day,
one filled with games,
happy conversations,
and the love of a close family.
With the day finally ending,
my grandmother and aunt leaving for home,
we are retiring for the night.
Waking up the next morning,
looking outside my window,
I see the beautiful sunlight smiling down on the world.
I see the trees green with leaves shining with light.
I see the birds flying around and singing happily.
It put a smile on my face
and went to the kitchen to join my family for breakfast.
But there was something different going on.
Something was wrong with this situation,
my mother was gone,
my dad wasn’t reading the paper,
and a word being said.
I looked to my father for answers,
but as my eyes looked upon his features
a grim silence followed that lingered,
and my thoughts drifted from place to place,
trying to find an answer.
A daughter,
a sister,
and my aunt
leave the world behind…
* * *
Its hard to describe the emotions that one feels
at the loss of a close family member.
Pain?
that isn’t even close.
Sadness?
that word isn’t strong enough.
Sorrow?
I can’t even begin to explain how deep the scars are.
People tell me it is an honor to be a pallbearer,
to be able to carry a close loved one to their final resting place.
What kind of sick joke is this?
Is it supposed to be an honor to suffer?
I can’t begin to describe the pain that one experiences in this situation.
So many emotions…
So many memories…
People tell me God is all-powerful and forgiving,
that it is an honor to work for Him.
But I can’t help but wonder
why a god that is so forgiving and loving
would take my aunt away
and leave us without answers?
It leaves me to wonder about the truths of life.
Is there a heaven waiting for me on the other side?
Or is life just simply made of life and death?
As the sun paints the sky brilliant shades of red and orange,
the blue becoming heavier and heavier,
the wind in the trees dies down,
and the life of the day goes to sleep.
This is where I find myself,
gazing at the star-filled sky,
wondering,
waiting,
watching,
and the same question enters my mind:
Why?
